Brilliance from Others

I was reading my favorite blog, Jezebel, and they brought to my attention a new book called Marrying Anita: A Quest For Love In The New India by Anita Jain.

The story is basically Anita Jain's search for perma-affection and respect after years of trying to date in New York. (According to my girls who live in the magical city, it's brutal. Do. Not. Want. It's bad enough here, and by here, I mean anywhere I've ever lived.)

"To admit to others that I yearned for a long-term commitment or marriage… sounded regressive as soon as it emerged from my mouth," she writes. "It was atavistic in nature, a throwback to a time when women couldn't financially support themselves. It was a piece of treacherous anathema in the age of strong, independent working women."

The fault, Ms. Jain thinks, lies within the process of finding love.

"We are told that it's best to meet friends of friends. We all think this is a brilliant idea, until we realize that we've already met all of our friends' friends ... two years ago."

I wrote about this a couple of weeks ago, when I mentioned that I've never been set up by a friend. I've since decided that this situation is really lose-lose for the friend, unless all they care about is your happiness (trust me, very few are this pure, and if you met such a person, you'd probably want to punch them in the face). If the set up doesn't work out, then the friend has to be in the middle, and makes future social engagements awkward. And if it does work out, all the friend gets is a shoutout in the wedding toast, and, unfortunately, intimate knowledge of the new couples' sexual habits -- that is, before they get married and cease to tell you ANYTHING about the boning, a phenomenon I will save for another post in the future - do remind me.

Anyhow, Ms. Jain points to Western culture as the culprit here:

"For a decidedly unmystical society that seems to have the answer for everything else — the best medical care, cutting-edge technology, superhighways, and space shuttles — it seems odd that people are left to their own resources, casting around for another lonely soul, for what is arguably the most important decision of their lives."

She also talks about the notion of being "happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else." This gem is spouted almost as much as "when you know you know" and "it happens when you aren't looking." You know what I'm like when I'm not looking? Eating Bagel Chips by the handful with greasy hair and swaddled in ripped PJs from 7th grade, with the laptop glow in my face and some reality show on the TV. Dream girl, right here!

Says Ms. Jain: "Why do we have to be 'perfectly sound' before we can meet someone? Why can't we be desperately alone and unhappy and become much more balanced or healthy after getting involved with someone? We've all seen this happen with friends — 'God, Peter seems so much happier now that he's going out with Jessica. He's not drinking as much.'"

In other words, brilliant. Need to get my hands on this book. Except I think Ms. Jain then goes to India to find a husband through arranged marriage, which a) holds no appeal for me as I don't think I would be attractive in a country that boasts 120 degree heat and many unpaved roads and b) I'm not Indian.

You can buy her book here, if you so desire.