Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Printer Wars, Continued


Remember when I talked about the Uptight Woman in Cube Next to Me (UWICNTM) and her special requests for her own printer? Well, lest you think the problem is over, The Adorable Office Manager (AOM) has lived to fight another day.

Backstory: UWICNTM has a “team” of 2 women that she supervises. I say "team" because we are an office of 9 people and no one else has a “team.” It is my theory that incompetence is the reason UWICNTM needs a team. Anyhow, the most essential thing to know about the "team" is that the "team” is the most important and busiest "team" there has ever, ever been in this office.

Now, in Printer War version 1.0, as you might recall, UWICNTM was bitching (with the correct vocab, natch) about walking 3 feet to get to a printer because the main one was moved ON THE OTHER SIDE OF HER CUBE WALL. (For a recap, see this entry.)

The latest is that our crazy boss was fired (she of the "No Funbags Allowed" club), and her office is now vacant. Our Fearless Development Director (FDD) is now the interim Executive Director, and is going to move into Crazy Boss's office - the only office we have. Another employee is now working in our office in LA, so we have 2 spare desks. So, AOM is reorganizing our 20 x 20 space so that we have a real reception area, and those who work closest together are near each other. (Bonus is that UWICNTM will no longer be NEXT TO ME.)

UWICNTM actually suggested that she move to a desk in the corner, and then AOM decided to move one of the women on UWICNTM's “team” to be next to her in her new spot and thus create a reception area at the front of the office. Here is the exchange that happened this morning:

From: Adorable Office Manager
Sent: Monday, October 20, 2008 4:13 PM
To: ALL
Subject: Desk Moving Day

Hi Everyone,

We are going to be doing some desk rearranging soon and I would like to schedule a day when we can move everyone so that I can coordinate the move with the IT guy and the phone company. My suggestion is that we take care of this while Uptight Woman and Team Member 1 are at the "Big" Event planned by Uptight Woman in November, so the move is the least disruptive to everyone. However, this will require some packing up by Uptight Woman and Team Member 1 before they leave for Danville, but if they are able to pack up ahead of time I am happy to physically move them into their new work stations while they are away. Let me know if this is agreeable to everyone so we can schedule the move asap.

Thank you,
Adorable Office Manager

From: Uptight Woman
Sent: Monday, October 20, 2008 5:17 PM
To: Adorable Office Manager
Subject: RE: Desk Moving Day

Where is Team Member 1 moving? I thought it was just me moving to a new spot? I honestly don’t think I have the time to pack up my stuff in between the "Big" Events. I was hoping to do the move after the "Big" Events are over and I can dedicate at least half a day to sorting through all my files to get rid of stuff I don’t need. This will be necessary since I am moving to a smaller space. Also, Can we please get a printer on the other side of the office. Now that I am going to be over there, I would appreciate not having to walk across the office every time I print something.

Uptight Woman

***

Mind you, there is a whole group of people currently sitting the whole 15 feet away from the printer, but they have never said anything.

I. Couldn't. Love. This. More.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Gorgeous Little Things


Current obsession: this magically lovely little store in the Mission called Bell Jar. It is the very representation of the broken down Victorian/naturalist style that I am currently into. They sell art, jewelry, clothes, pillows, knicknacks, china, soaps and lotions, animal heads...it's beyond amazing.

It's mysterious, dark, sexy and girlie.

The owner has a blog: check it out.

And visit when you are in the Mission. The staff make you want to wallpaper everything, and that's a good thing.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

By "Break It Down" I Mean "Dumb It Up"


One of the things I find endlessly fascinating is office speak. I am not sure at what point we decided that speaking normally in emails, at meetings, and to our superiors was beyond us, but we have certainly taken a vacation from reality. I enlisted the help of several friends (big ups to Rachel and Chris) who are besieged by this non-talk on a daily basis to put together:

The Ultimate Pain Point: A List of Bullshit Things We Say/Hear at Work

Bandwidth = time or work capacity, encapsulated in a term which is virtually limited in a technical sense, leading to the illusion that more time/capacity can be added to a person or people as needed, and by inference equating people to modems, servers and systems

Click n' mortar = the internet counterpart to brick n' mortar, a term for actual physical stores

Headwinds = challenges, except it sounds less like a personal handicap or retardation - rather, something or someone else blows...right into the face of your progress.

Earballs = roughly, the untapped audience that sites with audio and/or video magically acquire by stimulating the sense of sound

Granular/granularity = sugarcoated visibility or micromanagement. Example: Let's get some granularity on this product launch. Rachel, even though you are hired to be our PR person, I'm going to assume you are an idiot and have you compile reports on the minutiae of this project. OR "Don't get take this to such a granular level" = "I have no idea what you're talking about and you're embarrassing me, so dumb it down"

"Let's take this offline" = "I can't be bothered to talk about this right now." Also wrongly implies that we are all "online" when we are really just sitting in a meeting.

Ownership = assignment/responsibility + turning a blind eye to the actual resources or tasks needed to do your job

Pain point = the part of your job/project/work life that makes you want to scream. Example: "What would you say is your pain point in regards to media relations?"

Reach out = the new term for calling someone to ask them a question. Example: "You should reach out to the tech department to explore why your computer has the black screen of death." Wrongly implies that warm hugs will be involved.

Scope creep = the tendency for a project to expand at the same exponential rate as dim-witted insiders can daydream, idealize or make broad mission statements with no real conclusion or purpose.

"The real take-away from the meeting is" = "Everything else is useless shit you'll probably forget anyway."

I want more, so keep it coming!

Bloghaustion

Nuggets, I am SORRY. I am sorry I abandoned the blog and made it into, as Anne helpfully pointed out, an artifact. I just liked having a blog, but not writing a blog. SO, I have a proposition. I want to invite guest bloggers! You can be a one-time only or a frequent contributor. You can send artwork, a funny picture, a link to something interesting you read, a book report, whatever. If it's interesting, I will post it!

Do we have a deal? I do better with a little help from my friends.